I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
These tits shall not be calmed
Couch. On fire.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
