yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
