If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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