I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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