Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
