so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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