Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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