i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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