god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
