dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
