i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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