Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
