Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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