you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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