My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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