all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
