i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
