first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
