the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
