Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
