On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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