I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
