So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I deserve this hangover.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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