I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
