Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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