She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize