Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
honey bunches of taint.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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