Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
