Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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