she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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