If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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