I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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