Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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