I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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