you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
