I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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