just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize