Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
