pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize