K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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