I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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