I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
