I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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