Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize