Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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