She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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