how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
