I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
