remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
