what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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