Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
