This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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