i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
