When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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