remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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