We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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