How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
