I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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