im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
