it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
