I could make wine with my vomit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize