If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
