dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
