I looked at my own cervix.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
