I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
