HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
