he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
