I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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