How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
