we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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