We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
