I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
