Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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