my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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