Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
