Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
