so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
