Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
