Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
