The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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